Nico:After an off-season drunken naked hockey game sliced my manhood off, I was whisked away to the secret island of Dr. Horatio Frankenpeen who used a little bit of medical science and a whole lot of magic to restore my crotch to its former glory.

Get this: using a magic piece of wood from a very famous puppet. It worked exactly like it should if you know what I mean, so I went back to my life as the star of the San Antonio Tower NHL team.

Only after a small blip at an interview, I was given a special media consultant to shadow my every move so the bad press didn’t get worse. When I started spouting the lies she fed me, I noticed a problem 'downtown.

' My replacement eggplant grew every time I lied. That left me with a conundrum: tell the truth and get booted off the team or lie and grow right out of my jock strap.

Which do you think I chose?Disclaimer: At present is not medically possible to reattach an appendage with a piece of wood. (Come on, future.

Don’t let us down!), so please don’t hack off any eggplants as a result of this story. And don’t worry, there will not be any splinters.

For fans of dark humor romance is spicy, witty, utterly and irreverently satire. Any resemblance to a very famous puppet who had a very famous lying problem with his very famous nose is purely coincidental.

Would I lie to you?Early reader review: This thing is forking ridiculous. RIDICULOUS! In the best possible way.

Readers are going to love it. .