I was born in Fort Smith, Arkansas. My parents lived on a small farm in Eastern Oklahoma, not far from the Seven Devil Mountains. It had been a rough pregnancy for my mother and both my parents feared the worst. At the time, Fort Smith had the closest fully functioning hospital equipped to handle a difficult delivery so they checked in there. Though not a particularly religious man, my father prayed during the delivery for a normal, healthy baby. And sure enough, my twin sister was born. My early years were spent in and around the town of Keota. Keota is a Choctaw word that I was sure meant "I wish I were somewhere else". I since learned it roughly translates as "Please Leave now". At least, that's what a Native American told me when I asked. I spent most of my childhood as a pariah around my sister's neck until I became so good at it, I was able to expand operations and become a pariah for many others as well. I did attend a Junior College, a Technical institute and even a University in Missouri where I was expelled for a crime I did not commit. To be fair though, I had done so many other bad things, it was really more of a life achievement award than a banishment.The Summer of Love had come and gone but nobody in the Midwest or the Deep South seemed to know it yet. I bounced around a lot of Folk Rock bands and coffee houses in several states, invested in some really stupid ideas and did several idiotic things that should have gotten me killed. I did learn some things: It is not wise to sleep under a semi in a snowstorm, a motorcycle doesn't steer well during a wheelie and never, never, never hitchhike in Louisiana. Never. I also had one music album published: The Loneliest Place. If you own a copy, you're the only one. Soon after, I found myself in the Air Force. I enjoyed the job, hated the structure. The government finally came to its senses and discharged me because of my lack of maturity. They made up something that sounded nice but that was the actual reason. If the nation was safer while I was in the military, it was despite my presence, not because of it.I came out West to become a great songwriter and knock off a few Oscar winning screenplays. Did neither but I like to think I annoyed some of the better talents in both industries. I know I tested them. I kept stumbling into Telecommunications. One day, I just stayed there. Turns out, electronic devices don't care how immature you are so long as you fix them. I only got into trouble when I had to interface with fellow employees. Here in the People's Republic of Southern California, the inhabitants are very delicate, sensitive creatures who will kill you if you offend them. It was like walking on land mines.Eventually, I married a beautiful Italian girl. I suspect her family and friends were very disappointed. None of them said anything. Just cried profusely at the wedding. Nobody understood why a girl like that would marry a guy like me. However, it was very simple. Anyone can experience a lapse of judgement and I took full advantage. These days, I'm much more mature. Almost twelve, I think. I spend my time feeding birds, chasing ground squirrels and hiding from a dog that has me confused with a soup bone. I do penance in the form of story telling. I hope these little tales of mine serve as an apology to the people who knew me, admonition to others just like me, an entertainment for the rest of you and maybe, in the end, prove to my long suffering sister that as pariahs go, I was not nearly so bad after all. Read more about this authorRead less about this author