ForewordAbuse. It’s such a dirty word.

And it’s even a more filth-filled experience having to go through a narcissistic abusive relationship. The thing about abuse that I found out is that no matter what type it is or when it happens, the victim will likely never get over it.

We can get past it, but it doesn’t ever leave us completely. Something that happened years ago can seem like only yesterday, especially when certain triggers come into play.

But that’s the nature of trauma (van der Kolk, 2022). It’s like an infusion or an embedded program filed permanently into the subconscious that rears its ugly head throughout a person’s life.

And, unfortunately, I’ve found this can negatively affect emotions and future relationships. Take heart and be as empowered as I have been navigating the complex terrain of a narcissistic abusive relationship.

You are worthy of love, peace, and happiness. And herein, I leave it all on the table.

Herein, I share my experiences, my hopes, and my journey to deliverance and healing. ***************ContentsForeword vIntroduction 1Chapter 1.

Navigating the Maze of Narcissistic Influence 5Top Six Signs Indicative of How a Narcissist Behaves in a Relationship. 6 1.

Bringing Nothing But Negativity to the Table. 6 2.

Infliction of Endless Toxicity & Bullshit 7 3. Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics & their Evil Bag of Demented Tricks 8 4.

Love Bombing and the Illusion of Affection. 9 5.

Toxic Smothering, Isolation, & Possessiveness. 9 6.

Triangulation and Playing Puppet Master 10Chapter 2. Gaslighting and Twisting Reality in Their Favor 12Chapter 3.

Telling My Story of Abuse, Depression, & Survival By Any Means Necessary (Trigger Warning). 15Chapter 4.

Dealing with a Mentally Unstable Narcissistic Asshole in a Relationship 34 Narcissist Traits and Their Abnormal Emotional States of Mind. 34 1.

Starting Arguments or Having Angry Outbursts Over Little to Nothing 34 2. Being Manipulative and Putting on a Pity Fest for Undeserved Sympathy 35 3.

Inflicting Pain Due to their Abnormal Sense of Insecurity and Jealousy 36 4. Exhibiting Crazy Mood Swings and Reckless, Dangerous, or Toxic Behavior 37 5.

Showing No Empathy or Sympathy for Anybody Else and Enjoying Other People’s Pain 38 6. Needing to Always Be “Better” Than Their Partner Trying Not to Look Like the Low Scumbags They Are 39 7.

Projecting That They Never Do Anything Wrong Because Everybody Else in the World Is Wrong 39 8. Feeling Entitled and Bulldozing Their Way Through Everything and Everyone Else Be Damned 40 9.

Dealing with Problems Irrationally, Stupidly, or Unrealistically. 40Chapter 5.

Establishing New Personal Boundaries and Being An Unapologetic Badass About It 42Chapter 6. Building a Support System Despite Little Help from Family 45Chapter 7.

The Importance of Self-Care and Personal Growth. .

47Chapter 8. Crafting an Ironclad Safety & Security Plan for Exiting the Relationship 50 Three Reasons Why a Safety Plan is a Must: 50 1.

Predicting the Unpredictable. 50 2.

Securing the Escape. 51 3.

Rebuilding in Safety. 51 Ten Helpful Safety Plan Suggestions (based on my own experience): 52 1.

Document Everything. 52 2.

Solidify a Support System. .

52 3. Secure Finances.

52 4. Plan the Exit 52 5.

Pack a “Go Bag” 53 6. Change the Routine.

53 7. Get a Restraining Order 53 8.

Seek Professional Help. 54 9.

Update Security Settings. 54Chapter 9.

The Road to Healing and Rebuilding Self-Esteem 55Chapter 10. Learning Healthy Relationship Dynamics 59Chapter 11.

Journaling and Reflection 62Original Poem: I’m Only Superhuman by Marie Malone. 64Conclusion: Toxic Relationships Reflection 67.